Stepped to the ledge, had two choices.
Either jump off the bridge or do something so disruptive that it would forever change my life’s trajectory. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath…
I never felt more alone. I had no one to advocate for me and I was completely lost in a labyrinth of hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, fear, and isolation. To make it worse, I could not tell anyone the degree of my depression, or I would be handcuffed again and sent back to the county psychiatric hospital.
I took another deep breath…
If I jump, I will become another statistic, one of the 130 people who commit suicide each day. But if I choose to live and figure out how to help myself, perhaps I will have a larger purpose in this world.
I opened my eyes.
At that moment, I knew I had to make the harder decision and dig deeper into my brain than I had ever before. I needed to find the energy, focus, creativity, and confidence to shatter my mental prison and regain my emotional freedom.
Then something incredible happened. All of a sudden, everything felt clear. My mind became calm. I was focused and I quickly developed a plan of action. In this life or death situation, my brain entered into a “flow state*”. Little did I know that years later this event would shape my entire coaching career.
My first step to helping myself was getting to a healthier and more humane environment. Other patients spoke positively of a hospital several miles away called Four Winds. As the sun set, I walked to get my bike and embarked on a 10-hour journey that would forever change my life.
(Part 3 of the journey continues…)
To get better you must:
- Believe you can get better. Your brain is more capable than any of us can imagine.
- Understand that getting better is within your control.
- Keep moving forward regardless of adversity!
- Make the harder choice to keep yourself alive. You have a larger purpose in this life!
“Life may never be perfect, but it can 100% get better. I am living proof.”
*”Flow” is the state of mind when you are fully immersed and hyper-focused on an activity. The mind is working at optimal efficiency to complete a task and you experience a state of well-being. In “flow”, you are the best version of yourself.